Categories
Christian Leadership

The Sabbath-Keeping Leader: A Biblical and Practical Framework for Christian Self-Care

As I write this essay an article has just been released by Christianity Today entitled Deep in the Heart of Megachurch Country, Dallas Mourns a Summer of Pastor Scandals. The article reports on the sad state of affairs “which has seen a string of at least eight pastors step down from megachurches in the past few months over moral failings, mostly sexual in nature. The leaders oversee at least 50,000 in-person churchgoers.” As the details of each case emerge the heartbreak is palpable and the ripples of pain and mistrust these failures have generated are hard to fathom. This epic failure combines with a long string of other failures in recent years which point to an underlying systemic disease that is the seedbed to this kind of bitter fruit. And, while I don’t have data to support this, it is not unreasonable to deduce that a significant part of the problem is a lack of soul care and attention to holistic self-care among these leaders. I speak from personal experience.

When I was a younger leader (an urban church planter, more precisely) I came to recognize my deep need to attend to my own self-care and soul care. (1) Through painful public failures of Christian leaders who were my colleagues and peers in ministry, I came to see the fallout of Christian leadership failure up close. Soon after these failures occurred, I was asked to take up the leadership void in our church planting endeavor, but as I was called into this role, I became keenly aware of my own vulnerability to failure due to my inner wounds and brokenness that had not been sufficiently addressed. In this vulnerable state, I set out on an earnest quest to find healing for the inner trauma of my soul and to learn how to structure my life in a way that would provide the internal and external support to carry the load of leadership that I was being called to. I go into this story in much deeper detail in my essay, Transparent Confessional Relationships: Normal Christianity and the Need of the Hour for Christian Leaders.


In this essay, I will put forth that the biblical practice of sabbath provides a framework for holistic self-care, especially important to maintain healthy Christian leadership. A soon-to-be-released study by the Emmanuel Gospel Center called The Church Landscape Review (CLR) underscores this point. The CLR interviewed 21 pastors who had been interviewed ten years earlier as they were all in the early stages of planting churches. While not questioned about pastoral self-care directly, there was significant data that emerged from the interviews that were related to the need for holistic self-care. These church planters echoed what I had observed decades earlier in my own church planting experience: holistic Christian self-care is imperative for Christian leaders. 

The CLR revealed various windows of insight into the need for self-care, but one place in particular where this showed up was when the pastors were asked to offer advice to their younger selves in church ministry.  Here are a few samples of their responses: 

  • Get therapy and start on your journey of social and mental health much earlier. I received leadership coaching, mental health, and great pastoring. My wife did, too. If I could go back…and meet myself [ten years ago], when I planted [the church], I would say, ‘Wait a minute. While you’re doing this, go see this therapist, and let’s get some of your pain and your anger, and some of that stuff really dealt with. I would say, ‘Hey, church planter, there might be reasons deeper than what you can see that drive you to work so dang hard and try to bring forth a congregation out of nothing. It would probably be worth your time to figure out what that is. And I have counseled a lot of church planters to do just that.’
  • I would give myself lots of advice on self-care practices that I wish I had started earlier. I’d share a little bit about how pastoral ministry is really hard, and it’s really heavy. And it’s really joyful, too. And so what are some, some ways that I could help, I think, find health and sustainability in the difficult seasons?
  • I was a classic overachiever. I had to learn that was not right. It wasn’t healthy. We’ve learned how to take breaks and rests and pace ourselves a little bit better. If I’m resting spiritually, that’s part of my work. And my church agrees with that.
  • I wish I had taken better care of myself and trusted that God was going to take care of his church. I wish I would have spent more time just preparing myself to go the long haul, not just the church. 

Similarly, Derrick Puckett, Pastor of Renewal Church of Chicago, reflects on why self-care is especially needed for Christian leaders. 

Being a pastor or church planter can be one of the most time-consuming, heart-wrenching, and difficult endeavors someone can take on. At the same time, it can be one of the most winsome and fulfilling endeavors. And all of these qualities can be highly problematic if pastors don’t take time to reflect on their own health. As a pastor takes care of others, the first thing to be thrown out the window is usually care for their own self. This is why many pastors find themselves depressed, overweight, harboring secret addictions, or all over the internet for some type of failure. Biblical self-care helps us avoid these paths. (2)

Puckett continues by describing what biblical self-care is and how, for Christian leaders, it needs to be shaped by biblical understanding and practice. 

Clinically, self-care involves anything someone might do for the sake of their own physical or mental health, like eating well, exercising, or sleeping for eight hours a night. These things are great, but something is missing. None of them address a person’s heart or what may be causing their stress. They are all good habits, but we also tend to treat them as diversions. All too often, we reduce self-care to a diversion from reality rather than truly caring for ourselves…Care for oneself is biblical; however, biblical self-care is much different than worldly self-care. (3)

I resonate with Puckett’s sense that for Christians, self-care needs to be informed by the Bible and incorporate elements that address our inner lives, our spiritual lives, and our souls. Puckett refers to this as biblical self-care; I refer to it as simply Christian self-care. For me, Christian self-care is a fusion of soul care and self-care; it is holistic care that corresponds with the holistic vision of shalom as revealed in Scripture. This holistic nature of self-care is mirrored in Jesus’ words when he summarized the two greatest commandments. 

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10:27)

Heart, soul, strength, mind, neighbor, self — all of these dimensions are included in a Christian understanding of self-care. In this article, I use the term “self-care” in this comprehensive way to include care for our bodies, minds, inner life, and social relationships. Self-care refers to anything that we do to keep ourselves mentally, emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually healthy. This vision of self-care includes the practice of “soul care.” Soul care encompasses the understanding that human beings consist of more than just physical bodies and that our spiritual well-being is vital. Every part of our lives matters; everything about us needs care; everything that is alive needs and requires care. Plants, animals, our bodies, and our souls need care to thrive.

For me, Christian self-care is best rooted in the concepts and practices found within the biblical Sabbath. (4) While sabbath practices may not contain every element included in Christian self-care, they do comprise an essential framework for much of what holistic self-care should include. 

There are different ways to describe the various practices contained within sabbath rhythms. (5) I like the way Pete Scazzero, founder of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, describes the actions that shape sabbath practices. Scazzero suggests four words that help us enter into sabbath living: Stop. Rest. Delight. Contemplate. I will use those words as a way to more fully flesh out some of the marks of Christian self-care. 

But before we get there, let me first comment on the preparation necessary for making those four sabbath words possible. 

Preparing for Sabbath 

Sabbath cannot be entered into glibly; it requires thoughtful preparation. A common practice in Jewish communities throughout the ages has been to prepare for the sabbath the day before the sabbath begins. Similarly, in preparing for my sabbath observance each week, I have often used a template with the words—Stop, Rest, Delight, Contemplate—listed on the side margin of a page. I then jot down a few bullet points alongside each heading to flesh out how I will embody those words on my sabbath day. This process of pausing to give some advanced thought to prepare for sabbath is part of my slowing down process each week. 

On my longer sabbath seasons, I also follow this slowing down and thoughtful planning process. For example, my practice each February for the past fifteen years has been to pack up my car in the cold New England winter and head south for the warmer climes of Florida. This annual rhythm is a larger expression of my “stopping” work in order to enter into a sabbath rhythm for a season. This annual ritual is about more than merely heading to warmer weather; it’s a spiritual pilgrimage of sorts where I shift away from being a human “doing” to dive more deeply into being a human “being” made in God’s image. I think of this annual pilgrimage as being similar to the Jewish pilgrims of old as they left their normal lives to ascend into the temple and, after dwelling there for a while, they then descended back into their ordinary lives. Similarly, I think of my annual southern pilgrimage as being a kind of embodiment of a Psalm of Ascent, mirroring the movement of ascending into God’s presence, dwelling there for a while, and then descending back into the work He has called me to do.

Christian self-care will look and be shaped differently depending on one’s life circumstances, personality, and cultural differences. Some of us have more power and control to shape our schedule than others. Having said that, I firmly believe that sabbath is a gift meant for all of God‘s children, not just the privileged few.

Let’s now move to the four words that embody sabbath practice and the essence of holistic Christian self-care. 

Practical Steps in Sabbath-Rhythm Self-Care 

STOP

The Hebrew word for Sabbath carries the idea of stopping, ceasing, and desisting.

The first gift of sabbath is purposefully halting the usual activity and pace of life to step into spaciousness. It’s a necessary prerequisite to receiving the other gifts of sabbath. But ceasing is often easier said than done. 

To engage in this first step of sabbath requires trusting God as our ultimate provider and not ourselves. It takes faith to enter into sabbath by stopping our incessant activity, non-stop production, and striving. Indeed, the act of stopping our work and trusting God is part of the regular spiritual realignment process we need as human beings. When we take time to stop our work to enter into sabbath rhythms we mirror the pattern God displayed when He rested from His work on the seventh day of the creation week. We bear witness to being creatures made in His image. 

Furthermore, our stopping serves as a prophetic witness to a culture that is prone to ceaseless production and non-stop work. Like the Israelites of old who were delivered from the slavery of endless production required by Pharaoh and the gods of Egypt, stopping our work to enter into Sabbath declares that we are “under new management” to the true and living God.   

The speed of our contemporary culture and the clutter of our inner and exterior worlds continuously fight against this priority. But this has been an age-old problem as the Prophet Isaiah acknowledged: 



This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is our strength, but you would have none of it. You said, ‘No, we will flee on horses.’ Therefore you will flee! You said, ‘We will ride off on swift horses.’ Therefore your pursuers will be swift!” (Isaiah 30:15-16)

Since the first step of entering sabbath rhythms is to stop, we must consider thoughtfully what precisely we should stop. The answer to this question is not a one-size fits all, but here are some common areas to consider.

  • Purposefully halting the usual activity and pace of life to step into spaciousness; including slowing down and embracing silence and solitude.
  • Ceasing what we normally do in a day to create wide open space that will prepare us for heightened attentiveness to God and appreciation for His beauty and goodness. 

Beyond these general guidelines, other more specific ones need to be determined. Here are some examples from other Sabbath practitioners:

  • “I don’t do housework, home repairs, shopping, or managing money.”
  • “I avoid anything that can appear on a to-do list.”
  • “I refrain from doing anything that is not peaceful.”
  • “I avoid going into my home office and turning on my computer.”
  • “I unplug from all electronics, including my smartphone.” 

These guidelines are not meant to be legalistically observed but life-giving steps to free ourselves to experience God and to enjoy His abundance. When we take time to purposefully STOP, we’re able to embrace that which gives life. Things like rest, delight, and unhurried contemplation. 

REST

One of my favorite passages in all of Scripture is Jesus’ loving invitation to weary and burdened souls: 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-29)

Not all rest is equal. And not all rest is rest. For example, I think we all know what it is like to go on vacation and pack it with so much activity that we need to take a vacation after our vacation. We can also engage in mindless things like laying on the couch and watching television for long periods but morphing into a couch potato rarely, if ever, provides true rest. 

Sabbath rest is not merely ceasing our normal activities and exchanging them for mindless activities that don’t contribute to deep holistic rest. Sabbath rest provides space for us to allow our body, mind, and soul to slow down and receive the loving initiatives of God. 

Jesus modeled this in his ministry when he called his disciples to come away to rest with him. 

Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’ So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.” (Mark 6:31–32)

Sabbath rest involves our whole being—physical, mental, spiritual, relational. As such, we need to carefully consider these various dimensions and discover what things bring true refreshment to our body, mind, and soul.

My wife and I have been blessed to have jobs that allow us to take our sabbath day together. For us, this has been on Fridays for many decades. In practical terms, Sabbath rest for us includes things such as:

  • Getting a good night’s rest, including giving ourselves permission to sleep in (or take a nap!) without guilt.
  • Sitting on our back deck or in our favorite stuffed chairs with a cup of coffee allowing ourselves to slow down and move through our day at an unrushed pace.
  • Doing some physical activity that feels like rest: taking a lovely hike, going on a bike ride, or kayaking on a pristine lake.  All of these activities allow us to enter rest in ways that clear our heads, invigorate our bodies, and open our souls. 

One thing to note here is that while the various movements of sabbath rhythm—stopping, resting, delighting, and contemplating—are distinct, they are also interrelated into a symbiotic whole. So, resting is deeply intertwined with the next sabbath word…

DELIGHT

The Sabbath was designed by God to be a delight, not a legalistic observance. 

If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the Lord’s hold day honorable, and if you honor it by not going on your own way and not doing as you please…then you will find your joy in the Lord, and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob. (Isaiah 58:13-14)

Delight. Joy. Feast. These are descriptive words associated with the Sabbath that illuminate God’s intention. I love that we serve a God who is not a divine killjoy! Our sabbath rhythms are meant to call us into joyful communion with Him, the created world, and with one another. 

1 Timothy 6:17 is another passage that beautifully underscores this: 

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

Everything for our enjoyment. What a lovely phrase! Entering into the delight stage of sabbath is … well … delightful! The slower pace of sabbath makes this possible, but developing eyes to notice the delights all around us—and God as the Source of those delights—is something we must develop and grow in. 

This brings to mind poet and author, Ross Gay and his Book of Delights as a wonderful example of this. On his 42nd birthday, Gay set out to write an essay a day about one delight he experienced each day for the next year. He ended up missing some days but was able to achieve that goal on most days. The book is filled with delights observed from everyday life—generosity, laughter, music, poetry, and lots of nature—as seen through the lens of Gay’s curious eyes. The book so captured my imagination that I started to write my own Book of Delights.  

I confess this dimension of sabbath is my favorite! Even in a dark world filled with strife of every kind, there are still delights to behold and delights to experience. Just a random list from my journal: 

Dolphins cresting in the lagoon near my Airbnb bungalow / A lady standing for the longest time on the beach gazing into the crashing surf and out into the sea / An elderly couple taking a walk arm and arm / Sunrises on the prairie as I sit on my sister’s back porch in my boyhood home in rural Kansas / Piping Plovers running on their tiny stilted legs to escape the incoming surf / Delectable chef-prepared food served al fresco enjoyed with family and friends / Spending extended time with Rita (my wife) doing things we delight in—coffee shop visits, slow walks on the beach, adventuring to new destinations near and far, among many others … 

Observing and cherishing these delights helps recalibrate my heart to recognize God’s presence in the world and His presence beyond it. They cause me to exclaim with the Psalmist, “The earth is the Lord’s, and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein. For he has founded it upon the seas, and established it upon the floods” (Psalm 24:1-2). The delights point me back to the Author and Creator of the delights, which in turn spurs me to follow the admonition of another psalm, “Delight yourself in the Lord” (Psalm 37:4). But even beyond moving me from delight to the delight Giver, they also help me to differentiate the temporal world with the eternal. In this way, I can enjoy the delights of this world that come from God’s hands while simultaneously remembering life in God’s Kingdom is so much more than our experiences on earth. It was with this thought in mind that led me to pen the following haiku after experiencing a glorious sabbath trip in Florida.

Hold it all loosely
cherish it but not too much
It’s but a shadow 

And to pen this short poem on the day of my last sunrise on the beach before heading back to Boston after my annual southern pilgrimage. 

Remember the sunrise 
is a shadow of things to come 
And the sunset is the doorway into fullness of joy.

But lest I give the wrong impression, sabbath delight isn’t just about me or just about my relationship with God. It also involves delighting with others. Part of living in slowed-down mindfulness is about noticing and responding to others around me.  



Immediately following the Scripture passage I earlier referenced about God giving us everything for our enjoyment, the passage continues: 

“Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way, they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.(1 Timothy 6:18-19)

Taking hold of “life that is truly life” means being generous and willing to share with others. So, part of entering into sabbath delight is living with a keen awareness of how we might bless others. Sabbath delight is meant to be shared with others. This starts with those who are closest to me, my spouse, children, and grandchildren but need not stop there. That’s why in the same Florida sabbatical that I experienced all the loveliness mentioned above, I took equal delight in:

Helping a man living on the beach air up his flat bike tire and providing him breakfast / giving generous tips to those who served us as chambermaids and waitstaff / giving the gift of patient listening to an old friend who was grieving the loss of her husband after a long period of illness / sharing deep heartfelt conversations with lifelong friends and praying together for our concerns over our children and aging parents …

All of this and much more comprise the Delight dimension of sabbath practice. The final word is…

CONTEMPLATE 

In observant Jewish homes throughout history, different rituals are done to commemorate Shabbat. Throughout Shabbat, the focus is on creating a sacred time set apart from the workweek, centered around family, community, and spiritual renewal. Many of the rituals such as the lighting of candles and shared festive meals aim to enhance the special atmosphere of the day. Time is spent in prayer, study, relaxation, and family togetherness. 

Taking some cues from this Jewish tradition, we can see that spiritual contemplation is part of sabbath practice. How this is shaped in our current sabbath practice will vary, but being mindful to include spiritual contemplation is an important component to living out the sabbath framework.   

For me, this contemplation often involves prayer journaling. I am an avid journaler, so this comes easily to me. I might use the prompt of the Examen Prayer, a form of daily prayer that St. Ignatius observed and taught as a way to pause and review our days with God. In the Examen Prayer, we try to notice the movements in our soul toward God (consolations) or away from God (desolations). This prayer is often done at the end of the day but can easily be adapted to use as a way to reflect on our past week. This form of contemplative prayer can be done alone, with your spouse, or even with your whole household. 



Lord, when did I feel Your presence this week, when did I feel drawn toward You and Your purposes? And, Lord, when did I feel drawn away from You, your love and beauty?  

In the slowed-down pace of sabbath, we can do activities that nurture personal and family contemplation. Some activities Rita and I commonly do include:

  • Reading a short devotional together and discussing it—often this comes from the Psalms. 
  • Taking a silent prayer walk or hike on the beach or in the woods.
  • Listening to an inspirational podcast or audiobook and discussing it.

It should be noted, however, that this contemplation is not always easy and pain-free. Sometimes our contemplation and honest communication surface fissures in relationships that need to be addressed. Sometimes this involves confession of sin, asking for forgiveness, and dealing with conflict; all activities are not easy but always lead to greater shalom. Observing regular sabbath rhythms makes all of this possible, including keeping our most important relationships healthy. 

Conclusion

Practicing holistic self-care informed by the sabbath framework of stopping, resting, delighting, and contemplating is essential for human flourishing and spiritual health. But for Christian leaders there is even more at stake as we noted in the sad stories at the start of this essay. Not only is our spiritual health in play but also those we have been entrusted to serve. The Apostle Paul acknowledges this when he admonished young Pastor Timothy with these words: “Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” (1 Timothy 4:16). Given the epidemic of failed Christian leadership in our day, the siren call to attend to these core practices of holistic Christian self-care must be urgently heeded by us all. 

_________________

(1) In this article, I use the term “self-care” in a more comprehensive way to include care for our bodies, minds, inner life, and social relationships. Self-care refers to anything that you do to keep yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually healthy. This vision of a comprehensive view of self-care includes the practice of “soul care.” Soul care encompasses the understanding that human beings consist of more than just physical bodies and that their spiritual well-being is vital. Soul Care is caring for the whole person. Every part of our lives matters; everything about us needs care; everything that is alive needs and requires care. Plants, animals, our bodies, and our souls need care to thrive.

(2) Derrick Puckett, “Biblical Self-Care,Redeemer City to City. Accessed November 22, 2024. https://redeemercitytocity.com/articles-stories/biblical-self-care

(3) Ibid

(4) Scripture teaches two kinds of Sabbath rest: 1) Creation Rest — The first one was revealed in creation when “God finished His work and rested” and then was reaffirmed in the Law given at Sinai, the fourth of the 10 Commandments. This form of Sabbath rest is about following God’s design in the order and rhythm of life and work. It’s about structuring our lives in ways that enable us to flourish and bear witness to our God and his offer of Shalom. 2) Redemption Rest — The second form of sabbath rest is redemption rest and was revealed when Jesus cried out from the cross, “It is finished!” It is through Jesus’ finished work that we receive spiritual rest that does not come through our own efforts but by trusting in what Christ has done on our behalf. Both of these types of rest must be entered by faith.  

(5) Marva Dawn, in Keeping the Sabbath Wholly, highlights four movements and rhythms of sabbath: ceasing, resting, feasting, and embracing.  

Categories
Christian Leadership

Transparent Confessional Relationships

Normal Christianity & The Need of the Hour for Christian Leaders

Video Version

Many in the Christian community have been rocked by the recent revelation of the secret life of sexual sin and abuse by the renowned Christian apologist Ravi Zacharias. This tragic failure follows in the wake of other well-known leaders such as Bill Hybels. Both of these cases involved abuse of power, and in Zacharias’ case, sexual exploitation and assault on multiple women whom he violated and now face horrific trauma. We lament the pain, loss and devastation of these survivors and pray for their healing and restitution. 

But the culture of silence and secrecy that incubates such predatory sexual exploitation is not limited to just megachurch pastors and leaders of large international ministries but also shows up in local congregations. There are ample examples of lesser-known local leaders who have joined the ranks of those whose lives of secret sin and abuse have been exposed. To add to this, there are leaders who have secretly struggled with depression, with some who have sadly succumbed to suicide. While the pressures associated with COVID may have exacerbated these problems, this spiritual malady has extended well beyond the current moment.

But the culture of silence and secrecy that incubates such predatory sexual exploitation is not limited to just megachurch pastors and leaders of large international ministries but also shows up in local congregations.

And the tragedy of these failures does not stop with the leaders themselves or even with the direct victims of their abuse. We know that when a Christian leader (most often a man) falls, it is not just the offending individual alone who suffers but all those who are attached to that person. Often wives and children take the disproportionate brunt from these failures but the harm extends to the parishioners whose trust was violated and to the broader community whose confidence in the Church and our truth claims is eroded. 

To me, this failure points to a systemic problem that must be addressed, namely the absence of safe, transformative environments where leaders can bring their burdens, baggage, and temptations BEFORE they grow into full blown sin or some other destructive action. 

Please know that my concern does not arise out of a harsh pharisaical posture in a rush to condemn these fallen leaders, but rather out of my own brokenness, vulnerability, and contrition. This is a sad hard reality that calls for lament, deep self-reflection related to our own practices, and repentance. 

My Story

Let me share about how these issues have intersected with my own life and ministry. My aim in being as transparent as possible is an attempt to communicate that the burden I feel is not coming from a place of superiority and strength, but instead out of a place of vulnerability and weakness. I open this window into my life with the hope that it will open a space for you to connect with your own story.

As a child and teenager, I was sexually abused by a neighbor and by one of my favorite high school teachers. I was also introduced to pornography and drugs at an early age. All of these wounds, brokenness, and sin became a part of my formation as a person. When I came to faith in Christ at age 18, my life radically changed in many ways but some of the inner wounds and addictions were much harder places for me to find healing and freedom. Consequently, I entered into adulthood and even into my marriage and ministry not having sufficiently dealt with these areas of my life.  And I didn’t feel the Church was equipped or safe to deal with these things, so I struggled with these issues on my own, often stuffing or covering them over.

When I came to do church planting ministry in Boston, our team leader abruptly left his wife a year and half into our church plant. Later it was revealed that he had had multiple sexual indiscretions with women in our church. After he left, I became the new team leader at age 26. But as I stepped into this role, I was keenly aware that I had a lot of brokenness and vulnerabilities that I had not sufficiently processed with God and trusted others. Out of desperation, I found a Christian counselor where I “bought” safe space to begin to unpack these areas of my life. I did not want to be next in line to fail publicly and to harm my marriage and the work of the Lord. I knew that I very easily could do so.

While the professional counseling was helpful, it was not sufficient. It was not until I entered into a program called Living Waters that I found a safe healing community that gave me the language, discipleship tools, and pathway to find healing, greater wholeness, and freedom. Through these experiences, I saw even more clearly how anemic most churches and ministries were in providing the community and tools necessary for finding healing and freedom in these areas of brokenness.

Sadly, this spiritual anemia is common not only in congregations but also among Christian leaders. We only need to look at the long list of leaders who have fallen in sin and despair in the past few years to see that Christian leaders are in no way exempt.  Locally, I am aware of one well-known ministry that is known for rescuing folks out of lives of addiction, whose senior leadership has had a series of successive failures with leaders reverting to drug abuse, sexual indiscretion, abuse of power, and even suicide. When leaders such as this fall prey to such sin, this suggests to me that something is missing. And this is what I think it is: walking with trusted others in total transparency with our weakness and vulnerabilities.

When leaders such as this fall prey to such sin, this suggests to me that something is missing. And this is what I think it is: walking with trusted others in total transparency with our weakness and vulnerabilities.

The Need of the Hour for Christian Leaders

After the team leader of our church planting effort fell – and soon after I experienced healing with Living Waters – I came to see that I HAD to have one or two or three people that I walked with in total transparency and accountability. A group where I could practice in real time the admonition of James 5:13-16, especially v16:

13 Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

I came to see that having such a community of practice was not a luxury or an optional activity but one that is essential to authentic Christian faith. And doubly important for Christian leaders. This kind of rich, caring, redeeming community is one of God’s greatest gifts to us as people of God, and especially for Christian leaders. 

I love Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s comment on James 5:16:

“Those who remain alone with their evil are left utterly alone. It is possible that Christians may remain lonely in spite of daily worship together, prayer together, and all their community through service—that the final breakthrough to community does not occur precisely because they enjoy community with one another as pious believers, but not with one another as those lacking piety, as sinners. For the pious community permits no one to be a sinner. Hence all have to conceal their sins from themselves and from the community. So we remain alone with our sin, trapped in lies and hypocrisy, for we are in fact sinners….

You cannot hide from God. The mask you wear in the presence of other people won’t get you anywhere in the presence of God. God wants to see you as you are, wants to be gracious to you.”

-From Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Christian in Community 

A Self-Imposed Prison; and a Needless One

The prison of walking alone in our pain, temptations, and sin is a sad self-imposed prison but one that is totally unnecessary. Indeed, as the Apostle Peter noted in 2 Peter 1:3, God has “given us all that we need for life and godliness.”  In fact, when we create safe transparent spaces to “confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another,” we find that God does some of his most profound redeeming work in those spaces. When we come out of hiding and walk out of our dark places and into the light, we experience new dimensions of God’s healing.  

Becoming Wounded Healers

Another benefit for Christian leaders walking in these kinds of transparent confessional relationships is that it increases our capacity to humbly and authentically call others out of hiding and darkness and to come into the light. We become wounded healers. God uses us in our strengths but he uses us even more profoundly in our weaknesses IF we offer those to him and trusted others in a redemptive healing process.  

In my late 40s – after learning and walking in many of the skills that I mentioned above – I went into a debilitating period of depression. I was unable to continue in ministry and went into a directed sabbatical which became another environment for providing tremendous healing grace in my life. And out of that redeemed pit of despair God has enabled me to minister to other leaders who are struggling with depression. God is faithful in redeeming our pain for his glory if we offer the pain to him.

My Life Now: Already, Not Yet

I have been walking with trusted others in the way I have described in this article for nearly 25 years. What has been the result? In short, my life parallels the Kingdom as an “already, not yet” reality. Already: I am a safer leader. I am more comfortable in my own skin than I used to be. My wife feels more secure in our relationship. I am a better father. I have an increased capacity to call other leaders out of hiding because I have been able to integrate my weakness and brokenness into my own story of redemption. And, Not Yet: I still wrestle with temptation (but it does not have the same power that it used to have in my life). There are still areas of brokenness in my life that God is addressing, like peeling back layers of an onion. His perfecting work in me continues and one of his primary go-to tools is the circle of trusted others that I have surrounded myself with.

Resources

Below you will find some resources to help you move toward walking in richer, more transparent confessional relationships. Most of these have been formative resources in my own journey. If you need further suggestions of how to pursue these kinds of relationships in your life, please feel free to reach out to me.

  • Covenant Eyes – Internet accountability using a covenant partners approach

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. -Galatians 6:1-5